Brian dates a female dog named Ellie. Meanwhile, Peter and Lois need to convince Chris that "Arthur Valentine" doesn't exist.
After everyone tells of their Valentine's Day plans, a depressed Brian sits down to eat a box of chocolates and is poisoned. At the Quahog Veterinary Clinic, he meets a female show dog named Ellie. Smitten with her, they go on dates but his physical impulses are rejected as he finds that Ellie is under contract to breed with the winner of a dog show. Enlisting Stewie's help, he enters the competition and wins, but is unable to perform when he finds out that it will be in front of the entire audience so the honor is given to the runner-up.
Meanwhile, Chris looks forward to the arrival of "Arthur Valentine," who was an imaginary persona set up by Peter and Lois when Chris was young and didn't receive any valentines. When he refuses to accept their explanation that he doesn't exist, they decide it is time to kill off Arthur. After running down a dummy in the car, the stunt leaves Chris in a catatonic state so they decide to bring him back. But Peter's appearance as Arthur convinces Chris that he is a zombie and he tries to kill him, forcing Peter to tear off the disguise. Chris realizes that Arthur was made up for him and Joe comments that the revelation is bittersweet for him.
Since the writers failed to provide a satisfactory ending to the episode, Billy Joel leads the cast in song with Chris noting that Lois had told him earlier that she killed a jaywalker.
- Seth MacFarlane as Peter Griffin/Stewie Griffin/Brian Griffin/Glenn Quagmire/Tom Tucker
- Alex Borstein as Lois Griffin
- Seth Green as Chris Griffin
- Mike Henry as Cleveland Brown
- Patrick Warburton as Joe Swanson
- Jennifer Tilly as Bonnie Swanson
- Amanda Seyfried as Ellie
- Ralph Garman as Billy Joel
- ??? as Ronald Reagan
- Rachel MacFarlane as Nancy Reagan
- This is the second Family Guy Valentine's Day episode, since "Valentine's Day in Quahog".
- The title of this episode is a reference to the fact that "Bitch" has a double meaning, which can be used to define a female dog.
- Due to censorship meddling, the episode was renamed "Boy (Dog) Meets Girl (Dog)" on televised listings, which is a pun on the phrase "Boy Meets Girl".
- This is the second time in the series, Brian has ever dated a female dog, since Seabreeze Pewterschmidt from the Season 2 episode, "Screwed the Pooch".
- In "Underage Peter", one scene featured him getting pleasured by a dog stripper.
- "Arthur Valentine" could either be a reference to Arthur Christmas or the Marc Brown book "Arthur's Valentine".
- A running gag in this episode involves Billy Joel, singing a song called "I Didn't Poop Those Items", which is a parody of "We Didn't Start the Fire".
- Brian and Stewie (both voiced by Seth MacFarlane) say that they were supposed to be on one of the airplane flights during 9/11. This is a reference to Seth MacFarlane going through the same incident, where he was supposed to be on Flight 11, before getting drunk the night before and missing his flight.
- Brian tries to look smart in front of Ellie, by pretending he knows a lot about Jackson Pollock, but messes up, mispronouncing his last name as "Polack", and even assumes he's Polish.
- Lois reveals to Chris that she's killed a 51-year-old female jaywalker in 2002. She always has flashbacks of that moment, whenever there's silence. This is why she always makes worthless conversation with people and asks meaningless questions, just to drown the thoughts out. Chris blabs about this to everybody at the end of the final song.
- A cutaway features Nancy Reagan, during Ronald Reagan's presidency, turning the blind eye to the AIDS crisis and ineffectually trying to warn young people about drugs. These are both things she did.
- Bonnie blatantly states that Joe's mom dies. Joe's mom only appeared in "Brokeback Swanson", depicted as an either senile or handicapped old woman, so it's not surprising that she's now deceased.
- This is the second episode not to have an ending, with the first being "The Finer Strings".
- Meg appears in the final song, but has no dialogue.