No Tomorrow
Directed by: Pamela Fryman
Written by: Carter Bays

Craig Thomas

Release date: March 17, 2008
Rating: TV-14

No Tomorrow is the St. Patrick's Day-themed episode of How I Met Your Mother.


Ted, Marshall and Lily decide to spend Saint Patrick's Day holding a board game night at Marshall and Lily’s new apartment, rather than drinking green beer with a green-suited Barney. Barney, although insulted, accepts his fate and leaves alone. Soon after, Barney calls Ted, having procured a cab and two hot dates for the night. He proposes his theory of "No Tomorrow" and that "today" will have no consequences, and finally convinces Ted to join him by promising him one of his dates. Future Ted reveals that The Mother was present at the party that he and Barney attended that night.

Meanwhile, back at board game night, Marshall and Robin discover that Marshall and Lily's new apartment is crooked. Marshall convinces Robin to keep it a secret from Lily, at least for the time being. However, when a painting on the wall suddenly moves, Lily senses something weird. To cover the truth, Marshall concocts a story about the ghost of a Confederate general haunting the apartment. Eventually, the secret comes out and Marshall, Lily and Robin end up inventing a game called "roller luge" as a means of getting over the crooked floor.

Meanwhile, out with Barney, Ted discovers that, for one night only, the universe seems to work in reverse and rewards him for every bad deed he does. He ditched Marshall and Lily and found himself with a hot date, then he and Barney ditched their dates in line outside a club, and inside they found themselves outnumbered by greater than or equally hot women. He puts two expensive bottles of champagne on someone else's tab, and is presented with free caviar. The biggest reward comes when he gets hit on by a sure thing named Ashlee. To test his theory he asks Ashlee if she would have a one night stand with him and then forget about it entirely the next morning, to which she agrees, thus confirming his theory. Then, Ashlee confides in him that she is married, which fills him with panic and guilt. Barney approves of Ted's actions but disapproves of his reluctance to proceed. Back with Ashlee, Ted hesitates and then gets punched out by the man whose tab he had used.

Ted wakes up at home the next morning with a black eye and fond memories, telling Marshall that after police arrested the man he got to drink for free for the rest of the night. However Marshall is far from impressed and reminds Ted that he committed credit card fraud and kissed a married woman. To further the point, he reveals that Ted had accidentally pocket dialed his phone the whole time. Seventeen voice messages are played and remind Ted of how he abandoned his date at the door, ordered champagne on another person's bar tab and wanted to sleep with a woman with no intention of seeing her again (all while extremely drunk). Ted finally realizes that the night was actually different from how he remembered it and actually acted like a jerk all evening and thanks Marshall (who, along with Lily, are still living with Ted while their apartment is fixed).

Ted returns to the club to retrieve his phone, which he had left behind. He doesn't find it, but he grabs an abandoned yellow umbrella and walks home in the rain. Future Ted reveals that his eventual wife had been at the club that night, but they did not meet and he's glad because he knows that if they had, she would not have liked him.

In the last scene, Barney wakes up next to a dumpster, proclaims, "I'm awesome" and stumbles away.

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